Let me start by saying that I have made all of the comments below. I can remember really getting after my dad for not taking care of his diabetes that way I thought he should. I remember telling him that I wanted my kids to have a grandpa and he needed to do better at controlling the disease. I don't think I said it that nice. Hello!!!! Guilt trip city. I got after my older brother for not taking care of himself. I did it out of love, because I love them. Because I don't want this disease to take them from me. I thought I was right. Then I got gestational diabetes.
For only 5 months I needed to follow a diabetic regimen. It was hard. I was lousy at it. I hated it. I felt deprived. And it dawned on me, I was wrong! My dad and my brother were doing the very best they could. It is hard. And while my diagnosis would reverse as soon as I gave birth, they have no end in sight. They live with the disease everyday.
I have changed my responses. My diabetic friend was eating a piece of cake and a friend walked up and said, "don't eat that, it's not good for you." My friend said, "don't tell me what to do." Can you blame her?
We all want to help our friends who are diabetic. We find ourselves thinking, "they shouldn't eat that." But should we really say it? Well, probably not. Here are the most common comments that I have heard, or made and a better way to say it. :)
1) Should you be eating that? --- My response, in my head, is usually, "what's it to ya?" This is one that you shouldn't say period. There is no sweet way to say it. Leave it alone and trust that a diabetic knows what they can or can't have.
2) I made everyone this for dessert, but I made you this. --- Really? I'm not a child who is unable to abstain if needed. But you were trying to do something nice. How about this instead: (announce to everyone) "for those who would rather not have so much sugar, I have made this. For those who would like to splurge, I have made this. Please enjoy." Now, don't get upset if the diabetic splurges. They spend most of their life going without, once in a while it's okay to have that beautiful dessert you made.
3) You aren't taking care of yourself. --- If you are a spouse, a parent, or a doctor you can say this. If you are a buddy that meets for lunch once in a while, uh uh. Don't say it. Better is this: "I don't know much about diabetes. Please tell me what you have to do to manage the disease." Mostly this is reserved for close friends.
4) Don't eat that. --- this is usually followed by a grab for the offending food item. Again, unless you think the item has been poisoned, don't say this.
5) Oh, you can't eat there can you. We'll pick a different restaurant. --- Diabetics live in the real world and learn how to navigate menus. If you want to be sensitive to where a diabetic will enjoy a meal, a better way to ask is: "Do you have a preference for where we eat?"
6) Wow, I've heard of all the problems diabetes causes, like blindness. Does that freak you out?--- YES!!!!!!! Yes they are very freaked out. They never get to stop worrying about it. If you are close friends, you can ask this. But time it well and start with, "I know there are some complications with diabetes, if you ever want to talk about that, I'm here for you." Or even " Are you worried about your eyesight and all the complications that go along with diabetes?" Most of the time, they don't want to think about the disease, but trust me, 4 times a day, when they are pricking themselves with a needle to test their sugars, they are very well aware of what the disease is doing to their bodies.
7) I know you're diabetic, but I just had to share this plate of cookies with you. --- Better: "Hey, I really wanted to share some cookies I made, so I brought you 2, just so you would know I was thinking of you." Or even better: "I made you some bath salts, or I made you a card, or a phone call ahead with a "I just made some cupcakes that I would like to share with you, can I bring you one or a dozen?" and let them say- "oh just one." or "oh I'm so glad you thought of me. I don't need treats, but I'd love a visit. or even "heck yeah! I've been so good this week. I want the whole dozen." (As an aside, the diabetics I know, don't love sugary treats dropped off to temp them, but they love loaves of wheat bread with low sugar jam, or a quart of strawberries with a bit of whipped cream.)
8) You are so amazing, I could NEVER go without sugar. (sometimes followed by stuffing the face with a giant cupcake.) --- Um, they didn't get diabetes on purpose. No hero worship necessary. Try: "I admire how you have handled this." Enough said.
9) If you lose weight will the diabetes go away? --- Let me answer the question first. Maybe, maybe not. There are a lot of things that contribute to diabetes. Weight is only one of those things. However, for a diabetic, losing weight is soooo hard. They have to eat on a schedule. They have to eat! And they have to eat enough. Their bodies hold on to the weight. Don't remind them of their shortcomings.
10) Is it contagious? --- No no no no no! It is not contagious. However, for many in America, it is preventable. You can't catch it, but you can develop it, so keep working on becoming the healthiest you possible.
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