You Have to Let go of Pride

I had two experiences this week that have caused some introspection.  Both left me thinking about Pride and how it holds us back.  I'm not talking about the "I'm so proud of myself," stuff.  I'm talking about the deeply held beliefs that we have about ourselves.  The little things that we secretly gloat over.  The way we make excuses for ourselves.  For instance, I am not very strong.  I really never have been.  BUT, I will always tell you, that I have endurance.  I can't run fast, but I can run for a long time.  This is true, but it is a pride that holds me back.  By saying this, I justify not trying to run faster.  I don't have to do it, because what I can do is equal or better than what I can't.  Pride in one is holding me back from trying and quite possibly failing, in the other. The thing is, you can't get better while you hold onto this type of pride.

So today, I ate the worst tasting crackers of my life.  Not because of the crackers, but because of what those crackers represented.  I've been working out at a fitness center for the past few weeks.  (This is new for me, for numerous reasons, that will have to go in another post.) Today, during the workout, I had to stop twice and sit down. Once because I was working too hard, and once because I didn't eat and my body didn't have anything more to give me.  I was so angry with myself.  I didn't prepare properly, that is my fault.  But more than that, my body didn't do what I told it to do.  My endurance, didn't save me.  I have NEVER had to sit down in a work-out before.  NEVER!  As I sat there, those crackers were a dry, crumbly reminder that I am not where I want to be. They were the illusions I had about myself, just crumbling and cracking in my mouth.  The idea that I could do anything, shattering with every crunch. My pride dissolving with every swallow. It pretty much stank!

A couple of days ago, I met with a nutritionist.  A good thing to do when dieting, combating diabetes, or just trying to be healthy.  There was a small group of us.  We asked questions, and she gave some advice based on her observations of our needs.  We are all adults.  We all know what to do.  And we don't like to be told what to do.  That is human nature.  But I noticed that some people were very open to her advice and some had their backs up.  I started with my back up.  My Pride.  I am an adult, I know what to do.  But here again, that pride was holding me back.  I may know what to do, but I'm not doing it.  I had to step back and look at myself. Was it important that I already knew what to do, or was it important that I change?  I chose change.  And then the meeting changed, at least for me.  I did learn a few things.  Wow! You mean someone with a Masters Degree in nutrition might be able to teach me something?  What a concept!  Seriously, I did learn some things, but I also became more willing to do the things I already knew. 

Things like, "eat breakfast." Which takes us back to the crackers.  Why didn't I eat a handful of nuts on the way out the door?  Because I don't need it?  Guess what? I was wrong.  That didn't even hurt to type.  I was wrong.  Others know more than me. Duh!

Do I sort of feel like crying over this morning?  Yes.  However, knowing where you are weak is the only way to change. Forced to see the truth, you can start to rebuild and reshape, literally and figuratively. But the ideas we have about ourselves are painful to release.  So, yes, I may be the one sitting in the back of the class. I may be that one every day. (I really hope not, but I may. --- For a while.) But I won't be the one to quit. How would I become better if I did that?

I'm accepting a challenge. I might be crazy!

This is not actually the lasagna I made last night.  I was too hungry and didn't take a photo.  This is the lasagna that I made in an earlier post and you can find the recipe here

Alright all you followers in blogger land, what are you eating that is healthy?  Last night I made lasagna.  I added wheat berries and carrots to the lean ground beef.  I used cottage cheese instead of ricotta.  I added about 1/3 the parmesan and mozzarella.  I did incorporate 8 oz of cream cheese to up the flavor and the bulk. I cooked it in the slow cooker and added an extra can of tomatoes.  I did not cook the noodles ahead of time.  It was fabulous.  Am I allowed to say that? It really was good.

 No one in the family noticed all of the extra healthy stuff.   I expected push back, but everyone just scarfed it down. It's like my own version of  skinny lasagna.  I am working on changing how we eat, by keeping what we eat and making it better.

Tonight, I am taking the left over chili, adding some refried beans, and some yams.  Yup, yams.  And I am going to roll it in tortillas and some enchilada sauce.  I'm hoping it's yummy.  It's definitely healthier. 

Back to my question; what are you eating that is healthy?  I need ideas?  I think I also must need a challenge, because if you leave me a comment with a meal that you would like to have made healthier, I will work on that. 

So, if you love pizza or fried chicken or shepherd's pie, but feel guilty eating that item, leave me a comment.  I will work on making a healthier version.  I'll post recipes that I have "healthified."  For anyone who is newly diagnosed with diabetes, and is worried that you might have to give up your favorite foods, this is a great deal!  I'll do all the work for you. 

This is a limited time offer.  And it should be reasonable.  Please don't ask me to make healthy Texas Sheet Cake.  It can be done, but I am eating like a diabetic, so sugar is NOT my friend.  :)  But if this goes well, maybe I'll take on a dessert challenge in September.

BLTs - Bites Licks and Tastes, plus a quick weekly menu

 

I have noticed that what really gets me, are BLTs. Bites, licks, and tastes. A bite of my child's cookie, a taste of my husband's dinner and lick- okay a tablespoonful of ice cream, 3 cheetos, and 4 chips... after a while they start adding up. I think if I avoided all BLTs, I might not even need to diet. I think a lot of my calories are coming from that. My goal has been to track everything. My goal now is to track everything and avoid BLTs.

 I do really well with my exercise. I am even working super hard to cook healthy.  I have tried diligently to add more vegetables and I've come up with some delicious dinners.  But I really think that one of the biggest changes I need to make is a small change- the BLTs.  That's the goal.  Wish me luck. :)

  How about you.  What small changes could you make to get healthier?

So here is a quick list of the dinners that I made this week.  I'll get recipes up soon.  

Sunday -- Pork Sirloin Roast with mashed potatoes and salad.  I almost always serve salad. It's so filling and good for you.

Monday -- Sweet Potato and Black Bean Quesadillas. (I made some with whole grain tortillas and some with white tortillas.  My kids loved the whole grain tortillas!) They were amazing. and Salad.

Tuesday -- Very Veggie Lasagna Casserole.  You can find the recipe Here. and of course, salad.  We also had whole wheat garlic bread

Wednesday -- Grilled Cheese (on whole wheat, of course) and Tomato Soup for the family.  I had a left-over quesadilla.

Thursday -- Lower Fat Stroganoff, fresh veggies with dip and green beans.

Friday -- Husband cooks-- will probably be burgers.  I will most likely eat mine bunless with yummy avocado added.

Saturday -- oh Saturdays are always a toss up.  so Free day.  :)

 Here is a list of Breakfasts that I made this week. Recipes soon.

Sunday -- I didn't eat breakfast.  :)

Monday -- Whole grain Breakfast Burrito

Tuesday -- Whole Grain Breakfast Burrito (what can I say- if I like it, I'll eat it 2 days in a row)

Wednesday -- 1 egg

Thursday -- 1 egg, 1 buttermilk, dollar sized pancake

Friday -- 1 egg, 1 pancake

 Okay so breakfast hasn't been exciting this week.  However, I will get the recipe for the breakfast burrito up soon.  It really is tasty, fast and low cal.  

If You Do What You've Always Done. . .

. . . you will get what you've always got. 

I've been thinking about this phrase a lot lately.  It's true.  If you don't change your habits, you won't change your life.  But I exercise, and I try to eat right.  So why is my weight still a little more than I want it to be?  Why do I lose and return to the same weight?  I started thinking about what it was that I needed to do differently.  To do that I had to look at what I have always done.  Guess what?  What I have always done is obsess about what size I am 'supposed' to be.  That hit me so hard.

I suddenly realized that I have held myself back, because I have talked negatively to myself.  I have allowed my size to decide what I would wear and how I would feel.  I kept myself at a size because I felt I didn't deserve to be anything else.  OH MY!  I did that!

I am a pageant coach.  I teach others to talk nice to themselves, but I didn't do it for myself.  Seriously? So I spent the weekend telling myself what I tell others.  "I am enough."  "I am important." Nobody else really cares what I weigh.  They care about how I make them feel.  They care that I love them.  They care that I am kind.  In heaven, no one is going to ask my BMI.  There is not a scale to enter Heaven.  But there might be a scale that measures my heart and how much and how well I loved my brothers and sisters. 

This weekend I ate what I wanted and refused to feel guilty.  Guess what?  I ate less.  I didn't care about the food as much and it didn't taste as good. 

There was a time when I was really little, as in 108 lbs little. During that time, I don't remember ever once feeling guilty about eating a cookie.  In fact, I don't remember even thinking about my weight.

So I am going to do things differently and I am hoping that I will get different results.  I am going to eat healthy for the sake of being healthy, but I am going to live.  Because in my life, a piece of cake is a must.  And I am not going to feel guilty about that.  I am simply going to be enough, because I am. 

I would really love to hear from you.  What will you do differently? Let's start a conversation.